Everyone is so busy getting all offended by the latest viral onslaught of “Shit Girls Say,” that I think we forget how true a lot of it is. Now, don’t get me wrong, guys say a lot of stupid things too. So many, in fact, that it has thus far been impossible to consolidate them all into a video. In any case, here is a list of 11 things commonly heard in my home, and usually said to my boyfriend. It’s cool. I’m not ashamed.



1. Babe, where’s my chapstick? No, not the Burt’s Bees. I want the cherry kind.
2. (Yelling from living room) Babe, can you make me a drink? Just Vodka. The usual. With ice. And some Coconut water. And two limes…Thanks I love you!
3. I wonder what the sample is at Trader Joe’s?
4. Do you have any change so I can get dark chocolate Raisinets from the vending machine?
5. Am I a bad dog mom?
6. I have so many Arclight points!
7. I’m not vegan, but I’d say I eat like 75% vegan food. Right babe?
8. I just LOVE cheese.
9. Yes, she was! She was totally flirting with you on Instagram.
10. We never go out anymore.
11. Why can’t we ever just stay home?

Jane Helpern

About Jane Helpern

Writer & Over-sharer. @janeohelp jane@cultistzine.com