Lists
[LISTS] 14 Reasons To Dread Valentine's Day If You're In A Couple

[LISTS] 14 Reasons To Dread Valentine’s Day If You’re In A Couple

Listen, I like my relationship. And yes, we “celebrate” Valentine’s Day in our own modest way, but only because I feel a societal pressure to be extra nice/sexy/selfless on this particular occasion, although this full body stress rash is really no help in the sexy department. Anyhow, just because I partake in it (V-day), doesn’t...
[LISTS] Things I Did Today Instead Of Make My Writing Deadlines

[LISTS] Things I Did Today Instead Of Make My Writing Deadlines

1. Clicked through a slideshow about the origins of several cat-related idioms. 2. Thought briefly about getting another cat. Imagined falling down alone while dressed in (black) muu muu, dying, and corpse being eaten by three cats, not to be discovered for weeks. 3. Decided against getting another cat. 4. Looked at kittens for adoption...
[LISTS] The 5 Best Compliments My Vagina Has Ever Gotten

[LISTS] The 5 Best Compliments My Vagina Has Ever Gotten

In this humble piece of work by Larry Hardin (excerpted above), recently published in a lusty erotic novel I dusted off at a yard sale, I mean Thought Catalog, the self-descibed guy with a whole bunch of dick thoughts, listed for us, in far too much detail, the five best compliments his very cocky cock...
[EMPTY PROMISES] New Year's Resolutions By Cultist & Friends

[EMPTY PROMISES] New Year’s Resolutions By Cultist & Friends

In keeping with the great tradition of looking sideways at self-improvement around January 1st, here is a giant post of New Year’s Resolutions from our friends. Perhaps they will inspire you (but probably not).  (photos mostly stolen from all sorts of places, it’s not like we make any money you could take in a lawsuit...
[LISTS] The Top 5 Things I Say About My Bangs

[LISTS] The Top 5 Things I Say About My Bangs

  About a year ago, I decided to cut bangs, and I have managed to feel something different about them emotionally every single day since. Below is an excerpt of something I wrote before I chopped them (because normal people totally write public diary entries before they make aesthetic changes), and below that (drum roll...
[LISTS] Shit My Mom Says

[LISTS] Shit My Mom Says

Inspired by the 647 YouTube videos and Jane’s most recent post (I’m a copy-cat with no original ideas, so what sue me) I decided to write my own version. Not of shit I say (maybe one day I’ll bless you with all the deep thoughts that come out of my mouth, mostly aimed at my...
[LISTS] Shit I Say. Pt. 1

[LISTS] Shit I Say. Pt. 1

Everyone is so busy getting all offended by the latest viral onslaught of “Shit Girls Say,” that I think we forget how true a lot of it is. Now, don’t get me wrong, guys say a lot of stupid things too. So many, in fact, that it has thus far been impossible to consolidate them...
[LISTS] What Not To Put in Your Vagina

[LISTS] What Not To Put in Your Vagina

These days (thanks to my wonderful boyfriend) I don’t have as much trouble deciding what shouldn’t go in my vagina as I used to. But for those of you who are still unclear, here is Cosmopolitan’s guide. It’s pretty standard stuff, tattoo ink and glue are not recommended, and, in case you were thinking about...
[LISTS] Things I Refrained From Saying Today Because Of Jane's MLK Post

[LISTS] Things I Refrained From Saying Today Because Of Jane’s MLK Post

(See Jane’s post HERE) 1. I can’t believe I have to work today when I could be at the Agent Provocateur sale! 2. Ugh, there’s literally nothing good to eat around my office. LITERALLY. 3. I’m SO tired/annoyed/bored/over it. 4. I wish Natalie Portman would just go away already.* 5. I wish someone would just...