Dear Frances Bean,

I feel like I know you since I just saw your two-year-old butt in the new Patty Schemel documentary “Hit So Hard”. Your father was pinching it as you hung onto the edge of the bathtub and giggled. I bet you get this all the time, people thinking they know you, since you are the only child of grunge’s most iconic couple, Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love. Your parents are the 90’s. I bet you get this a lot and I bet you hate it. So, I’ll stop. I mean, I’ll try to stop. I’m not promising anything.


I want to know about you. What are you doing besides avoiding your mother and the media? You’ve done a good job of laying low. I have to hand it to you, you’re like a phoenix rising from the ash. I mean, you disappear and when you do come up, it’s amazing. Whether it’s quietly debuting your art in a secretive Los Angeles gallery (what do you think of your mother‘s art?) or announcing your disassociation from said mother or that mind-numbingly beautiful photo shoot you did with Hedi Slimane, your life choices always go viral. I can’t help but wonder if your mother’s attitude towards the spotlight made you who you are today. Do you miss talking to her? I guess she still tweets at you. That whole “Dave-Grohl-tried-to-fuck-my-daughter” fiasco Courtney pulled on Twitter seemed like a cry for your attention. I bet the woman misses you. I can’t imagine growing up under the wing of Ms. Love. I mean, your childhood animals died under piles of her Etsy fabrics. I feel like it’s too much to even begin to unpack. Is this why you keep so quiet?


Speaking of your mother, I heard a story once. I can’t reveal my source, but a friend of mine said a friend of his saw you working at a store and you were blasting a Bikini Kill record and singing along. Was this a lash at your mother or do you like actually like Kathleen Hanna’s music? I feel like this is the only way to rebel against your mother who is the world’s most professional rebel, you know, by playing bands she loathes.

What does it feel like to know that at any given moment, in any given public place, at least half of the men around you idolized your father? Do you think about this stuff? Sorry, I’m doing it again.


Look, I know you want your privacy and independence as Frances Bean and not just Kurt and Courtney’s “two-headed monster-baby”, but the world is curious. I’m curious. Anyone who gushed over the 1993 MTV Music Awards is curious. Anyone who was awake in 1994 is curious. Start a Live Journal or something. No one would ever find it.

But, I admire the route you have chosen. You’ve managed to become the definition of mystique. For some weird reason, I think your father would be proud. Especially since as of yesterday, you were finally awarded control of his name, likeness, and intellectual property rights you so totally deserve. We know you’ll do right by him.


p.s. – Your eyebrows are so powerful, it’s scary.