Is it just me or does every chick below the age of 30 kind of dress exactly the same these days? Have I just been spending too much time in Brooklyn? If I see one more bitch wearing cut-off denim shorts, a ripped Thin Lizzy tee, fake Isabel Marant Dicker boots and a Proenza Schoulder PS 1 bag, I may go all bath-salts-cannibal on her ass.

Thank fucking god for the Seapunks. They are the future of fashion. I mean every time I think I look cool or whatever, I look at pictures of Seapunk kids and I feel like motherfucking Khloe Kardashian. Those sea-rockers are the definition of cool, man.

You wanna know who the OG Seapunk is? Do you remember a little best-movie-in-the-entire-world called Hackers? I know what you’re thinking. A-Jo is a fucking psycho who drinks blood and buys babies and may or may not be immortal. But I’m not talking about the anorexic actress. I’m talking about the ultimate style of icon of life. Acid motherfucking Burn baby. She fucking rips. I DARE you to look me in the eye and deny that shit. HACK THE PLANET!!!!

 

And it’s not just me that’s fanning out on our girl Burn; ocean chic is getting all up on runways all over the world. I can’t wait for Zombelle to perform at some weird Chanel dinner in Bali with real life dolphins wearing laser head-sets jumping over the DJ booth (duh, King Karl doesn’t PLAY yo).

1. Mary Katrantzou,  2. Chanel,  3. Proenza Schouler,  4. Proenza Schouler,  5. McQ,  6. Balenciaga,  7. Versace,  8. Jeremy Scott,    9. No. 21

 

Wanna dress like a seapunk? I mean it’s really more of an attitude and way of life than just clothes, but you can totes try if you want.

1. Dolphin Dive Shirt $24, Available at The Mountain

2. House of Holland Tie Die Dress $232, Available at Asos

3. Opening Ceremony Olivia Wedges $510, Available at Opening Ceremony

4. Erickson Beamon Bracelet $730, Available at Net-A-Porter

5. Yin Yang Belt $24, Available at Topshop

6. Dolphin Backpack $23, Available at Some Weird Ass Site

7. Superga / House of Holland Sneakers $115, Available at Opening Ceremony

8. Dolphin Studs $9, Available at Walmart

9. Balenciaga Playsuit $643, Available at Farfetch 

10. 90′s Glasses $32, Available at Topshop

11. Dolphin Pocket Knife $12, Available at A Site That Might Be Fake

12. Tie Dye Shorts $Priceless, Available at Google

 

Am I cray? (Ed Note: No, you’re cray-fish. HAHAHAHAH see what I did there?) Am I just leftover drunk from last night (actually I kind of think I am)? Whatever, man. I blame Brooklyn.