It’s me! Your future baby mama! I know, I know, you don’t know who I am yet. But don’t be afraid my little love nugget. We have forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever to learn every little thing about eachother. For now, let’s just start with a breakdown all of the things that we have in common.
1. We are both from a country within the Commonwealth (you from the UK, me from Australia)
2. We both hate The Wanted (JK! Glad You Came is the motherfucking jam. Sorry lover).
3. We both have tattoos
4. We both like to get shitballs wasted
5. We both like Hooters
6. We both wear Ray Bans
7. We both love Taylor Swift
I know what you are thinking, and you are right. We are soul mates. So now that we have established that, we need to talk. WHAT THE FUCK is up with all the blazers with the loose neck t-shirts? You really need to stop hanging out with Simon Cowell my sparkly little empanada. Actually don’t because I’m pretty sure that he loves super high-class strippers and that is RAD. So from now you can only hang out with Cowell in penthouses with fancy strippers doing coke off their tits (the strippers’ AND Cowell’s), NO shopping with him, ok? You know what, why don’t you just go ahead and start dressing like me. Let’s just do all matching everything all the time, ok booface? Here’s your new look. Or should I say OUR look.
1. Schott Leather Jacket, $720 Available at MrPorter.com
2. Horace Tee, $88 Available at Any Old Iron
3. Stamp’d for Rolex Watch, $15,000 Available at American Rag
4. Cartier Love Ring, $1,675 Available at Cartier
5. Neil Barrett Sweater, $609 Available at Farfetch.com
6. Givenchy Bag, $1,783 Available at Farfetch.com
7. Slayer Sweater, $Priceless Available at Motherfucking Nowhere God Damnit
8. Ugo Cacciatori Necklace, $969 Available at Farfetch.com
9. Damir Doma Pant, $749 Available at H. Lorenzo
10. Maison Martin Margiela ID Bracelet, $520 Available at MrPorter.com
11. Vans Iron Maiden Sneaters, $WhoKnows Available at Ebay
12. The Mountain Tee, $20 Available at The Mountain
13. Tom Ford Sunglasses, $490 Available at The Webster
Wait. Wait a second. Hold on there cowboy. I just realized the my last 3 posts were about dudes that I want to bone zone. Damn man, I totes need to get laid more. Hey if there’s any single dudes out there that love Rick Ross, One Direction, Iron Maiden, and Jameson, holler at your girl! firstname.lastname@example.org.