Yasi was not exaggerating even mildly when she told you that most to all of her daily bang pangs are directed at me and only me (I think the misguided violet hair incident really made us stronger). But she and I have a system that works for the both of us, which is that in return for my ear she is also forced to hear the brunt of my blonde girl blues (yes this is a terrible thing that we blonde girls get sometimes after paying a week of food’s worth of dollars for hair color that inevitably turns brassy unless you spend a comparable amount of dollars on color-preserving products). Because, in reality, super blonde hair on a lazy brunette who doesn’t own a hair dryer only looks chic for a few days before being ravaged by weather and hard water damage. But, like the loyal blonde devotee that I am (there’s no turning back) I choose to block out this costly truth, much like the pain of childbirth (which I’ve never experienced but still reference often), and alas 6 weeks later I’m sweating in a salon chair jonesing for my next hit of bleach. So, in keeping with a recurring theme here at Cultist, which is vanity, here are the top five things I say about my blonde hair, in a very particular order and immediately before threatening to shave all my hair off…again.
- does my hair look yellow?
- does my hair look orange?
- does my hair look green?
- I think my roots look cute.
- I think my roots make me look like meth head trailer park trash.
BUT REALLY, DOES IT LOOK YELLOW-ISH ORANGE GREEN???