While sitting on the couch eating pizza and drinking 7-11 wine (mostly bra less and clad in elastic-waist pants), the ladies of Cultist (and Ryan) threw rocks out of our glass house at the celebs on the Oscars red carpet. Here are some of the choice quotes:

Emma Stone

Rachey: “It would be cool if she didn’t wear the same dress Nicole Kidman wore 4 years ago.”

Yasi: “Fuck Nicole Kidman. I think she looks like a delightful ginger present.”

Jennifer Lopez

Ryan: “Ew illusion shoulders.”
Rachey: “She basically looks like a hussy ice skater.”
Yasi: “Can’t talk distracted by large shiny forehead.”

Angelina Jolie

Jane: “I feel like her vagina is sharp.”
Yasi: “She makes me hungry.”

Jane Seymour

Sechung: “BROACH.”*

Yasi: “I can’t believe they let her borrow the dress from Beauty and the Beast.”

Charlene Wittstock, Princess of Monaco

Ryan: “Sad, sad princess with the sad, sad fake smile.”

Berenice Bejo

Yasi: “Who is that?”**

Rachey: “Her boobs like donuts in tissue paper.”
Ryan: “I think more sticky buns.”

Tom Cruise

Ryan: “He’s just a freak. That’s all it is.”
Alanna: “I get it. He’s not gay he just likes anal play.”

*What?
**None of us has seen (and probably never will see) The Artist.