More like OK Stupid! (Not bitter).

Admit it, we’ve all tried at least one online dating site. My first and only attempt was with OK CUPID and lasted exactly one long weekend when I was too hung over to leave the couch except to greet the delivery guy (wearing only a dress that I fashioned out of a leopard blanket). Also admit that when you finally took the online dating plunge you were feeling pretty damn sure that you would be the belle of the super desperate/last resort ball, and that there would be a virtual queue to wine and dine you or at least inquire about what kind of panties you’re wearing.

this kind.

Well, as I predicted, just a few minutes after clicking the “save changes” button on my intentionally unintentionally effortlessly effort-filled dismissive yet interested self-deprecating but simultaneously self-assured profile, I had already received several pokes and messages to my inbox.
Intrigued and hopeful, I opened up my mail to find three welcome messages from OK CUPID, a poke from a 19 year old Latina girl (age ain’t nuthin but a numba) and an attachment containing an illustration. Of myself.

That’s ok, I told myself. It had only been a few hours. (Plus, drawing guy made me look skinny. But how many of these drawings did he have already hanging above his bed right now?) I spent the remainder of the night scouring the site for potential mates and messaging a few lucky prospects. By this time I was drunk, so I went to bed. I awoke the next morning to find a welcome message from OK CUPID (I had forgotten to delete it yesterday) and zero responses from my chosen ones.

My completely fabricated online personality felt so rejected. With that, I deleted my account, showered and walked to Starbucks, where I continued my manhunt.