#MakeItCount is Nike’s motto for their new Fuel Band, which looks like a glorified Livestrong rubber bracelet and has a tiny computer in it that measures your everyday activity so you know how many “fuel points” you burned. Not calories, but FUEL POINTS (whatever that means). One of the complaints about the FuelBand is that it “over-measures” or “under-measures” certain physical activities. A friend said she burns mad fuel points driving her car :/ So naturally, I can’t help wonder how many fuel points the bracelet would grant for doing an activity well documented for its strenuous physical nature: The Nasty. And how many fuel points would it yield if you “kinda” did The Nasty? (Like when it’s Sunday night and you’re super tired and would rather just watch Law And Order but you’re like what the hey). Sometimes with mistakes you don’t wanna #MakeItCount…
My number of sexual partners is relatively low. For whatever reason, I’ve mostly been involved in long term relationships and then I got boo’ed up with my now-husband around the age of 23. My husband and I will joke around with each other about our numbers but there’s been this one debate that has yet to be settled. I now turn to you, the Cultist community, (Ed note: CUM-munity HAHAHAH I’m funny) to settle this. (There’s nothing wrong with turning to complete strangers on the Internet to settle a personal and sexual matter. amirite?)
It involves The Tip. Just The Tip, to be exact.
During the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college I threw a party at my parents’ place. A dude from high school came over and we ended up hooking up at the end of the party. We were about to knock boots but then I realized that this was a mistake; we were both tipsy (read: inevitable whiskey dick) and I also suddenly realized that he was one of those guys who had peaked too soon. (Do not want!). You know the type: he/she was hot/popular/awesome in high school but soon after, all that glitter faded away to reveal fool’s gold. And no one wants some bunk-ass past-its-prime booty. So, just as he was putting the tip in, I shut it down. “Sorry dude,” probably didn’t suffice as an acceptable excuse, but it was all I could muster at the time. Dude gets points for persistence but ultimately, he complied and left.
So does he count as notch on the headboard? Would you consider someone who just put the tip in as a sexual partner? (I don’t know one girl who hasn’t heard the sad, pathetic “but, but…how about just the tip???” plea at some point in her life). Did we, in fact, do The Nasty? Would Nike #MakeItCount? Sound off in the comments.