I just moved from a dark, cavernous, womb-like 8-plex into a light and airy loft space. It’s amazing how everything looks better in the light, except my thighs. Here are some other things that were, until recently, concealed by the dark (mostly pertaining to body hair).

  1.  The fact that my upper leg hairs are not actually blonde…woops.
  2.  The fact that I’ve been eating with dirty silverware.
  3.  The fact that there is a cigarette butt stuck to the bottom of my favorite coffee mug.
  4.  The fact that my dogs have peed on everything. Act-u-al-ly everything.
  5.  The fact that what I thought was endearing two-day stubble looks more like a manly 5 o’clock shadow all over my legs.
  6.  The fact that it’s time for a new bathmat
  7.  The fact that this 7-11 tweezer that I thought was a steal is actually mislabeled. From the looks of it, it has not been tweezing anything.
  8.  The fact that I need to throw everything out.
  9.  The fact that my Chihuahua has one extremely long rogue hair sprouting from her chin
  10.  The fact that my hair looks a lot like David Bowie’s (JK I ALREADY KNEW THAT).






Jane Helpern

About Jane Helpern

Writer & Over-sharer. @janeohelp jane@cultistzine.com