Recently, 6lb. 4oz. Baby Jesus (a.k.a. my friend Nick Heller) presented me with the opportunity to be a strung out hooker in a music video for none other than Action Bronson. For those of you who are living under a rock, Action Bronson is the best thing to happen to hip-hop in a long, long time. He is coming out with a new collaborative project, Blue Chips, with producer Party Supplies, and they were shooting the video for the album’s first single, “Hookers At The Point.” It ended up being an allegorical hip-hop exposé of prostitution and drug life that was rampant in ’90s NYC. Although I had to stand in heels for hours, give fake fellatio to a a guy I had just met, and catch a mild case of hypothermia, shooting the video was one of the best experiences of my life. And when it premiered online yesterday, I was very relieved to see a virtually unanimous positive response to the finished product.
Because making the video was just as crazy as the video itself, I wanted to share some fun facts about the shoot from my point of view.
1) I was the only female involved in the making of this video. (Cue feminist war chant).
2) I was also the person on set with the least amount of clothing on… at any given time.
4) The song “Hookers At The Point” was inspired and based on the legendary HBO documentary of the same name. I didn’t know about it before the shoot, but managed to watch it all on YouTube afterwards. It’s the dopeness and highly recommended.
5) Action Bronson and I are both gingers, of European descent, and Jewish. I created an alternate ending for the video in my head where I take off my wig and you see my red hair, therefore implying that Action is pimping out HIS SISTER [DUNDUNDUNNNNNNNN] [CYMBALS] [GONG].
6) All of the clothes I wore belonged to me. The studded strapless bra is from Patricia Field, and it’s surprisingly very supportive.
7) I’ve always known I had a large rack, but DAYUM! Rik [Cordero, the brilliant director] made my girls look like blue-ribbon melons at the county fair. I’m very grateful to have them immortalized in a video now before I spawn offspring who will inevitably suck the life out of them.
8) The real Cyndi from the HATP documentary was/is really addicted to crack. I am not addicted to crack.
9) I did not actually urinate in the middle of the street. What you saw there were high-tech film tricks that you probably wouldn’t understand (itwasawaterbottle). However, at one point in my life, I defecated on someone’s front lawn in the name of academia (natch).
10) Ryan had concocted some fake blood gooeyness for the scene where I get “stabbed in the back.” After he put some on my back, my wig fell victim to whatever syrupy venom was in that fake blood. The goo crystallized in my wig and formed disgusting, sticky dreadlocks. At around 5am that night, I was shampooing and conditioning a wig in my sink, making me a drag queen for all seasons.
11) This was an unpaid role, but feel like it was kind of priceless anyway.
12) Action wore a couple of pieces of my jewelry as part of his Silk aka Montel The Pimp outfit: an eyeball ring from TopShop, and my “platinum” dookie rope chain from UGHH.com. That’s right folks: my jewels is pimpin’.
13) Halfway through shooting the video, Bronson had to be rushed to the hospital because of some funky abdominal pains, and we had to stop shooting. Everything turned out to be fine thank god, and we finished the shoot a couple days later.
14) Most of the blog posts about the video don’t even acknowledge my presence in the video, only noting the roles of Bronson and Party Supplies. Miss Info was the only one who was nice enough to mention my name, and for that she is the tits.
15) My parents do not know that I am in this music video. Even if they found out though, I don’t think it will be a big deal.
16) In the very first shot where the Benz is a-rockin’, Robbie Barclay (another Three/21 director) was bouncing on the opposite side of the car while I was vigorously dry-humping the backseat. We were laughing at each other during the entire shot.
17) I told NONE my friends that I was doing the video until five days ago. Opportunities like that don’t happen often, so I didn’t want to jinx it by running my mouth. And I thought it would be cool to surprise everyone.
18) The general consensus is that I make a pretty convincing “lady of the night.” For the time being, I’m going to take that as a compliment…a compliment with a very short shelf-life.
Thanks again to Nick Heller, Rik Cordero, Ryan Biazon, Robbie Barclay, Party Supplies, Uncle Paulie, Other Boys Who Were There Whose Names I’ve Sadly Forgotten, and, of course, Action Bronson, for helping to jump-start my career as a crack whore, and for being so great to work with.
Watch the video below: