We’ve all been there. Vowing not to put out on the first, second, or third date, and then “somehow” winding up (like actually contorted) in a compromising position involving your head dangling over the foot of the bed. If you are averting your eyes in shame, stop that right now. I am here to debunk the myth that a girl who doesn’t make a guy wait for it is blowing it (by blowing it).
If you find yourself in the heat of passion during an awesome first date and the guy states, “You know we’re not having sex tonight, even if you want to,” please know that you’re being manipulated. It is his calculated attempt to make you think that he respects you too much to undermine your connection by casual consummation, in turn making him even more irresistible to you. No man actually respects you “too much” to refuse sex. That does not exist in any universe. Did I mention that it’s a calculated AND very effective tactic?

In summation, whether or not you put out on the first night probably has very little to do with whether things will work out between you and said guy. Things will probably not work out either way, and by punishing your slut-ious self, you are just aimlessly pointing fingers. I think sometimes it’s easier to fault ourselves for violating Victorian rules of courtship than to accept that in real life two people are not always compatible, for whatever reason. Even if for the duration of the date you were wondering “What am I doing with this self-obsessed guy wearing the bad shoes?” If he doesn’t text the next day, we always wonder what WE could have done differently. So, have sex on the first night (or if you’re classy like me, the first morning-after) and if he’s not a double-standard holding misogynist and you didn’t infect each other with a gross disease, try and remember that there is no reason he wouldn’t want to see you (do you) again.

Jane Helpern

About Jane Helpern

Writer & Over-sharer. @janeohelp jane@cultistzine.com